When I was small, I liked to think that I had an identical twin. Those were the days when my family had first transferred to Bangalore, one year after my father did. I had no friends then (till later), so an identical twin of my imagination became my constant companion. However, I pretended I did not have any imaginary friends, as I felt that my parents would think I had gone crazy and… Well, I don’t know what would have happened, but let us not be thinking about that right now.
So, this imaginary friend of mine – twin, I mean – was just like me, she understood me and my feelings for certain things that even my parents did not understand (yes, I was still a weird girl back then – only now, I grew weirder as I grew older). She always agreed with me when she should and disagreed when she should. She was my best friend and I knew that I shall never be parted with her – ever. Even if I found real friends here later, she was still around, whispering jokes and things into my ears that sounded so good to hear. Her voice had the same tone as mine did. Only, she was quieter while I was a babbler.
My imaginary twin was everything I wanted to be—quiet, reliable, friendly, sweet, innocent, and well-wishing. As I grew up and had a group of friends to play with (mostly at school), I unconsciously pushed my constant companion to the back of my mind. I had not realised it, although I had been talking to her from time-to-time. It seemed, she didn’t mind. In fact, she looked (yes, I even saw her – she was my reflection – duh!) like she was happy for I was happy at last.
But, deep down, beneath all my smiles and the satisfied faces, I was not all that cheerful. In fact, I felt like something was missing from my life—a piece so small that it shouldn’t have mattered but still did. I am still searching for the missing piece. Till then, my imaginary twin will fill up the gap for me, temporarily though it will be.
Then, a few years earlier, I started to keep a diary. It was at this time that I realised my imaginary twin was nothing but my conscience. She still keeps me company when I am alone and advises me when I am confused.
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